1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,084
Jester: ♪ if you missed
Last week's show ♪

2
00:00:03,084 --> 00:00:04,385
♪ or if you're slightly slow ♪

3
00:00:04,385 --> 00:00:06,627
♪ here's what came previously
On "Galavant" ♪

4
00:00:06,627 --> 00:00:10,471
♪ the princess isabella
Came searching for this fella ♪

5
00:00:10,471 --> 00:00:14,185
♪ the washed-up hero
Known as galavant ♪

6
00:00:14,185 --> 00:00:17,228
♪ now she's gotten him
To lend a hand ♪

7
00:00:17,228 --> 00:00:20,601
♪ to oust the king
Who seized her land ♪

8
00:00:20,601 --> 00:00:23,234
♪ but zing,
She's working for the king ♪

9
00:00:23,234 --> 00:00:25,146
♪ the trap's about to spring ♪

10
00:00:25,146 --> 00:00:26,737
♪ but that's not everything ♪

11
00:00:26,737 --> 00:00:31,952
♪ 'cause our hero only came
To save his former flame ♪

12
00:00:31,952 --> 00:00:35,206
♪ forced into marriage
With the cruel king richard ♪

13
00:00:35,206 --> 00:00:39,250
♪ sweet madalena, though,
Has lost her saintly glow ♪

14
00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:42,373
♪ in fact, she's tilting
Pretty sharply bitchward ♪

15
00:00:42,373 --> 00:00:45,376
♪ add the king,
Who wants to win her heart ♪

16
00:00:45,376 --> 00:00:49,130
♪ and rip
Our hero's world apart ♪

17
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,552
♪ and that is where
I leave you at ♪

18
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,224
♪ so hold on to your hat ♪

19
00:00:53,224 --> 00:00:54,595
♪ 'cause here's what's next ♪

20
00:00:54,595 --> 00:00:59,390
♪ for galava-a-a-a-nt! ♪

21
00:00:59,390 --> 00:01:02,683
Isabella: we've been riding for
Days. The horses need to rest.

22
00:01:02,683 --> 00:01:03,854
Sid: we'll stop here.

23
00:01:03,854 --> 00:01:06,026
My people will treat you
Like a princess, princess.

24
00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:07,448
Galavant:
Don't get too comfortable.

25
00:01:07,448 --> 00:01:10,030
One night, sid.
Then we hit the road.

26
00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:17,158
So, this is it,
My hometown.

27
00:01:17,158 --> 00:01:18,249
A little background
On the place --

28
00:01:18,249 --> 00:01:21,462
Middle-class community,
Lots of sheep-sheering,

29
00:01:21,462 --> 00:01:23,294
Great place
To raise a family.

30
00:01:23,294 --> 00:01:24,875
That should cover it.

31
00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:27,258
Sounds lovely, sid.
One tiny question.

32
00:01:27,258 --> 00:01:30,131
Shoot.
 What the hell is that?

33
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,922
"Sidneyland"?

34
00:01:36,056 --> 00:01:43,274
Ah, you noticed that.

35
00:01:43,274 --> 00:01:45,025
All hail sid!

36
00:01:45,025 --> 00:01:48,108
Man: the conquering hero
Returns!

37
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,610
All: huzzah!

38
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:50,991
Galavant: sid.
 Sid: yes.

39
00:01:50,991 --> 00:01:52,403
What is happening?

40
00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:54,535
Well, I'm adopted.

41
00:01:54,535 --> 00:01:56,157
When I was a baby,
An older couple

42
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:58,159
Found me on their doorstep
And took me in.

43
00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:00,541
You know the expression
"It takes a village"?

44
00:02:00,541 --> 00:02:02,743
No. No.
 No, I don't think
That's been invented yet.

45
00:02:02,743 --> 00:02:03,954
Oh.
 Autograph, please!

46
00:02:03,954 --> 00:02:05,005
[ laughs ]

47
00:02:05,005 --> 00:02:07,208
Well, I was a golden child
Around here.

48
00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:09,009
And over the years,
When I wrote home,

49
00:02:09,009 --> 00:02:11,842
I may have
Exaggerated a bit.

50
00:02:11,842 --> 00:02:13,013
Mm!

51
00:02:13,013 --> 00:02:17,308
Oh, I wish you were my cousin
So I could marry you.

52
00:02:17,308 --> 00:02:19,810
Aw, that's so sweet!

53
00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:21,101
[ chuckles ]

54
00:02:21,101 --> 00:02:23,724
Sid: I know this is unusual, but
It would mean the world to me

55
00:02:23,724 --> 00:02:26,026
If you could go along with this
For just one night.

56
00:02:26,026 --> 00:02:29,029
Play along?
Do you mean, like, act?

57
00:02:29,029 --> 00:02:30,821
Did you know
That my hometown of valencia

58
00:02:30,821 --> 00:02:32,032
Is famous
For two things --

59
00:02:32,032 --> 00:02:34,825
Our cabbage festival
And our theater program.

60
00:02:34,825 --> 00:02:36,407
So, worst place ever.

61
00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:38,619
You should have just said
"Worst place ever."
 [ sighs ]

62
00:02:38,619 --> 00:02:40,831
Every night, we'd gather
Around the town elder tree

63
00:02:40,831 --> 00:02:43,204
With nothing but the power
Of our imaginations.

64
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:46,417
Sometimes, we wouldn't even
Have a script that night.

65
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:48,088
So we'd have to
Find our characters

66
00:02:48,088 --> 00:02:49,920
Over the course of many,
Many hours of theater.

67
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,502
You sure you
Want to save this place?

68
00:02:51,502 --> 00:02:53,093
Sid, I'm in.

69
00:02:53,093 --> 00:02:55,346
Get ready.
My parents are a lot.

70
00:02:55,346 --> 00:02:57,348
Of what?
 Everything.

71
00:02:59,059 --> 00:03:01,141
Oh, and one more thing.
They think you're my squire.

72
00:03:01,141 --> 00:03:02,102
[ gasps ]
 What did he say?

73
00:03:02,102 --> 00:03:03,474
[ gasps ]

74
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,226
Bubbala!
 Dad: my boy!

75
00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:06,437
[ laughing ]

76
00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:07,978
Oh!
 Oh!

77
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,692
Come in! Come in!

78
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,655
You kids must be starving.
 Famished.

79
00:03:14,655 --> 00:03:17,157
Glad to hear it.
Get plucking, squire.

80
00:03:18,659 --> 00:03:21,161
Terrific.

81
00:03:25,536 --> 00:03:27,538
Come on, jester!
Do the bit that I wrote!

82
00:03:27,538 --> 00:03:30,461
You guys
Are going to love this.

83
00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,633
It feels a little inappropriate,
Considering the circumstances.

84
00:03:32,633 --> 00:03:33,794
Just do the bit.

85
00:03:33,794 --> 00:03:34,835
Please, sire.

86
00:03:34,835 --> 00:03:36,136
Do the bit.

87
00:03:38,839 --> 00:03:41,262
Hey, valencians.

88
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:43,434
How many valencians
Does it take to win a war?

89
00:03:43,434 --> 00:03:44,845
All: [ sadly ]
How many?

90
00:03:44,845 --> 00:03:46,056
More than you had.

91
00:03:46,056 --> 00:03:48,228
[ laughing ]

92
00:03:49,350 --> 00:03:50,811
Oh, have mercy.

93
00:03:50,811 --> 00:03:51,982
I'm bored.
I'm leaving.

94
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:53,614
Oh, my wife.

95
00:03:53,614 --> 00:03:55,276
Now, I know
We've had our ups and downs.

96
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:57,117
Why,
Just a few days ago,

97
00:03:57,117 --> 00:03:59,119
You made me cry so hard
I could barely breathe.

98
00:03:59,119 --> 00:04:00,120
Tell her, gareth.

99
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:01,952
Eight hours of my life
I can't get back.

100
00:04:01,952 --> 00:04:03,534
I mean,
But that's our thing.

101
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:06,537
That's us.
I'm not giving up on us.

102
00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:07,958
I want you to give up.
 No.

103
00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:09,169
Please give up.
 You can't make me.

104
00:04:10,331 --> 00:04:12,793
[ sighs ] God,
Everyone's in such moods.

105
00:04:12,793 --> 00:04:15,796
King and queen of valencia,
Step forward.

106
00:04:17,087 --> 00:04:19,049
Let me ask you --

107
00:04:19,049 --> 00:04:21,261
Before I invaded, pillaged,
And destroyed your kingdom,

108
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,223
What did you people
Do around here for fun?

109
00:04:23,223 --> 00:04:25,225
We used to
Sit around the elder tree

110
00:04:25,225 --> 00:04:28,519
For hours and hours of
Spontaneous, unscripted theater.

111
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,100
Oof.

112
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:32,022
You cut down
The elder tree.

113
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,234
I did?
 You turned it
Into toothpicks.

114
00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:38,779
Well played.
You're dismissed.

115
00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:42,202
Mm! Eunuch,
Front and center.

116
00:04:42,202 --> 00:04:43,864
Help me out.

117
00:04:43,864 --> 00:04:46,116
What else did you do
Around here for fun?

118
00:04:46,116 --> 00:04:48,749
I don't know.
We, uh, used to have balls.

119
00:04:48,749 --> 00:04:49,960
[ both snicker ]

120
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,333
Gareth, did you hear
What the eunuch said?

121
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:54,875
You cannot
Write this stuff!

122
00:04:54,875 --> 00:04:56,337
You sure can't!

123
00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:57,338
[ both laugh ]

124
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,259
You know,
I've always been curious.

125
00:04:59,259 --> 00:05:01,632
Do you still have any feeling,
You know...

126
00:05:01,632 --> 00:05:03,053
Down there?

127
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,805
No, sire.
 Really?

128
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,768
Gareth,
Go take a whack at the eunuch.

129
00:05:07,768 --> 00:05:10,060
Lovely.

130
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,193
Spread 'em.

131
00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,196
[ thud ]

132
00:05:16,196 --> 00:05:17,317
King richard:
That is amazing!

133
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,740
Gareth,
Isn't that amazing?

134
00:05:19,740 --> 00:05:21,402
It's really cool!

135
00:05:21,402 --> 00:05:23,744
Everyone, line up.
Take a free shot at the eunuch.

136
00:05:23,744 --> 00:05:26,537
You know, honey,

137
00:05:26,537 --> 00:05:28,749
Let's throw
These poor bastards a ball,

138
00:05:28,749 --> 00:05:30,160
Breathe some life
Back into the place,

139
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,252
Get some food and music
And entertainment.

140
00:05:32,252 --> 00:05:35,085
I should probably start working
Up a routine with the jester...

141
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:38,549
In my bedchamber,
Where it's quiet.
 That's the spirit!

142
00:05:38,549 --> 00:05:41,051
Now, I don't want either one
Of you to leave your bedchamber

143
00:05:41,051 --> 00:05:42,883
Until you've worked out
A complete set.

144
00:05:42,883 --> 00:05:46,226
Oh, I think I have a set
The jester can work with.

145
00:05:46,226 --> 00:05:47,768
Fantastic!

146
00:05:47,768 --> 00:05:49,059
[ giggles ]

147
00:05:49,059 --> 00:05:50,471
Oh, this is going to be
Such a hoot!

148
00:05:51,271 --> 00:05:53,063
Oh, come on, people!

149
00:05:53,063 --> 00:05:55,606
Don't pull your punches!
Have fun with it!

150
00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:56,857
Get creative!

151
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,569
Tickle, tickle, tickle!

152
00:05:58,569 --> 00:06:00,401
Nothing.

153
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:03,824
Your loss is our gain.
And we thank you.

154
00:06:03,824 --> 00:06:05,446
[ smooches ]

155
00:06:05,446 --> 00:06:08,248
Our sidney.

156
00:06:08,248 --> 00:06:10,040
So handsome!

157
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,453
We bought him that armor
For his 16th birthday.

158
00:06:12,453 --> 00:06:14,084
Cost us a fortune.
 [ chuckles ]

159
00:06:14,084 --> 00:06:17,958
Sid, eat, eat.
Y-you're wasting away!

160
00:06:17,958 --> 00:06:19,760
I'm fine, mother.

161
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,962
Just humor me.
[ chuckles ]

162
00:06:21,962 --> 00:06:23,263
Squire?

163
00:06:23,263 --> 00:06:25,636
Squire!

164
00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,217
Oh, right. That's me.

165
00:06:27,217 --> 00:06:29,770
Don't tell me your squire
Is as dimwitted as our squire.

166
00:06:29,770 --> 00:06:32,853
[ laughs loudly ]

167
00:06:32,853 --> 00:06:34,685
I think he may be.

168
00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:37,067
You've got nice teeth.

169
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:39,229
So, tell us about
Your new lady friend, sid.

170
00:06:39,229 --> 00:06:42,072
Uh, father,
This is princess isabella.
 [ chuckles ]

171
00:06:42,072 --> 00:06:45,285
[ gasping ]

172
00:06:45,285 --> 00:06:46,947
A princess?

173
00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:48,078
That's my boy!

174
00:06:48,078 --> 00:06:49,910
Oh, uh,
Princess isabella isn--

175
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,952
Oh, the first time
I saw your son,

176
00:06:51,952 --> 00:06:53,664
It was a dark
And cloudy day,

177
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:58,208
But your son with an "O"
Was my sun with a "U."

178
00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:03,173
We don't know
How to read.

179
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,595
Not a word.

180
00:07:04,595 --> 00:07:07,007
[ chuckles ]
We're engaged.

181
00:07:07,007 --> 00:07:08,969
This just took
A fun turn.

182
00:07:08,969 --> 00:07:10,220
[ gasps ]
 Engaged?!

183
00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:11,762
Mazel tov!

184
00:07:11,762 --> 00:07:12,763
[ laughter ]

185
00:07:12,763 --> 00:07:14,685
I can't believe it!

186
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,898
[ gasps ]
We have to celebrate.

187
00:07:17,898 --> 00:07:20,400
Oh, great.
Another musical number.

188
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:23,193
Everyone, come see my son,
The knight!

189
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:26,026
Both:
♪ oy, what a knight ♪

190
00:07:26,026 --> 00:07:27,828
♪ gather 'round,
You peasants ♪

191
00:07:27,828 --> 00:07:29,700
♪ look who's graced us
With his presence ♪

192
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:30,741
♪ what a hero ♪

193
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:31,952
♪ what a mensch ♪

194
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,834
All:
♪ oy, what a knight ♪

195
00:07:33,834 --> 00:07:35,706
♪ plus,
The kid's on fire ♪

196
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,838
♪ with a big
Farkakte squire ♪

197
00:07:37,838 --> 00:07:40,340
♪ and a little shiksa wench ♪
 [ both smooch ]

198
00:07:40,340 --> 00:07:43,754
♪ oy, what a knight,
God, is he to die for ♪

199
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:47,718
♪ any girl would give an eye
For such a hunk of kosher meat ♪

200
00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:50,140
[ women squeal ]
 ♪ oy, what a knight ♪

201
00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:52,182
♪ handsome ♪
 ♪ and a charmer ♪

202
00:07:52,182 --> 00:07:53,554
♪ is it true
That 'neath that armor -- ♪

203
00:07:53,554 --> 00:07:56,226
♪ shh,
He likes to be discreet ♪

204
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:59,980
♪ speaking as his rabbi,
Why am I not surprised? ♪

205
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,403
♪ our sidney is the knight who
Put the "Sir" in "Circumcised" ♪

206
00:08:03,403 --> 00:08:06,026
♪ oy, what a knight ♪

207
00:08:06,026 --> 00:08:07,487
♪ so, how's the business
Going? ♪

208
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,700
♪ you know, jousting,
Tally-ho-ing ♪

209
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:12,282
♪ saving damsels in distress ♪

210
00:08:12,282 --> 00:08:13,914
♪ oy, what a knight ♪

211
00:08:13,914 --> 00:08:15,375
Oh!
Did I mention slaying?

212
00:08:15,375 --> 00:08:17,578
I did lots of it.
Just saying.

213
00:08:17,578 --> 00:08:20,500
♪ that's our sidney,
The success ♪
 Hey!

214
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,584
♪ what a gorgeous family,
Your sid can do no wrong ♪

215
00:08:23,584 --> 00:08:28,008
♪ who knew he came
From such a lovely home? ♪

216
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:32,012
♪ of course I'll be converting,
So I'm sure we'll get along ♪

217
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,013
Honey, please!

218
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,975
♪ you had me at "Shalom" ♪

219
00:08:36,226 --> 00:08:37,808
♪ oy, what a squire ♪

220
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,020
♪ so tell us
'bout sir sidney ♪
 No.

221
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,102
♪ he saved your live once,
Didn't he? ♪
 No.

222
00:08:42,102 --> 00:08:43,103
♪ so, twice? Thrice? ♪
 No. No.

223
00:08:43,103 --> 00:08:44,444
♪ do share ♪

224
00:08:44,444 --> 00:08:46,446
Men: ♪ oy, what a knight ♪
 Women: ♪ oy, what a ♪

225
00:08:46,446 --> 00:08:47,858
♪ diddle, deedle, didle ♪

226
00:08:47,858 --> 00:08:50,110
♪ he's our hero ♪
 ♪ he's my idol ♪

227
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:51,411
♪ he's adored
By one and all ♪

228
00:08:51,411 --> 00:08:55,455
You guys!
 ♪ and so, tonight,
To honor our crusader ♪

229
00:08:55,455 --> 00:08:57,037
Gloria:
♪ you are all invited later ♪

230
00:08:57,037 --> 00:09:00,080
♪ to a fancy-schmancy ball ♪

231
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,122
♪ oy, yoy, yoy, yoy ♪

232
00:09:02,122 --> 00:09:03,964
♪ oy, yoy-yoy-yoy-yoy ♪

233
00:09:03,964 --> 00:09:05,545
♪ oy, what a knight ♪

234
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,719
Oy, what a knight!
Hey!

235
00:09:08,719 --> 00:09:11,011
Oy vey.
 [ whimpers ]

236
00:09:14,434 --> 00:09:15,555
Galavant: my god.

237
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,557
[ singsong voice ]
Lot of dolls for a boy.

238
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,479
I don't think
They've changed anything in here

239
00:09:19,479 --> 00:09:21,101
Since he was 12.

240
00:09:21,101 --> 00:09:22,943
Oh, they love him.
I think it's sweet.

241
00:09:22,943 --> 00:09:25,525
Aren't you sugar and spice
And everything nice?

242
00:09:25,525 --> 00:09:28,649
Well, aren't you rudeness
And sarcasm and everything...

243
00:09:28,649 --> 00:09:30,861
Um...
 No, go on.

244
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,243
You find something that rhymes
With "Sarcasm" and makes sense,

245
00:09:33,243 --> 00:09:34,534
And I'll
Take the floor tonight.

246
00:09:34,534 --> 00:09:37,157
You know what?
I think --

247
00:09:37,157 --> 00:09:40,120
So, this is getting a little
 Bigger than I anticipated.

248
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:44,204
They have a certain image of me,
And I am just so sorry.

249
00:09:44,204 --> 00:09:46,046
There's no need
To apologize.
 What?

250
00:09:46,046 --> 00:09:49,670
Gloria: sid, the feldman boy
Wants to draw you,

251
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:53,714
And we need that squire of yours
To help set up the party!

252
00:09:53,714 --> 00:09:55,095
Coming, mom!

253
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:58,719
Just -- just please?
Please?

254
00:09:58,719 --> 00:10:02,983
I'll be damned if I'm working
A ball in my squire's honor.

255
00:10:02,983 --> 00:10:07,147
Always about you,
Isn't it, galavant?

256
00:10:07,147 --> 00:10:08,649
I'm on a journey
To save your kingdom, aren't I?

257
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:10,821
You're on a journey
To get your girl back.

258
00:10:10,821 --> 00:10:13,033
At least let's not lie
To each other about that.

259
00:10:13,033 --> 00:10:16,657
You know what? You stay detached
And apathetic, galavant.

260
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:18,158
You do it quite well.

261
00:10:18,158 --> 00:10:21,241
And whilst you do, I will put on
My pretty purple dress

262
00:10:21,241 --> 00:10:24,084
For my new friend and pretend
To be his bride-to-be.

263
00:10:24,084 --> 00:10:26,086
And maybe that makes me
All sugar and spice

264
00:10:26,086 --> 00:10:28,669
And everything nice, but lord
Knows I much prefer that

265
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:32,212
Over rudeness and sarcasm
And back spasms!

266
00:10:32,212 --> 00:10:33,173
Bit of a stretch.

267
00:10:33,173 --> 00:10:36,096
I trained in monologues,
Not poetry!

268
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:43,473
"I'm so jealous of the girl
Who gets to be your wife.

269
00:10:43,473 --> 00:10:45,645
Love, mom."

270
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,187
[ groans ]

271
00:10:52,362 --> 00:10:54,444
Hey, gareth,
Did you see how excited

272
00:10:54,444 --> 00:10:56,156
Madalena got
About this party?

273
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,199
I should have shown her
My magnanimous side weeks ago.

274
00:10:59,199 --> 00:11:01,661
Speaking of wifey,
Is she still locked up there

275
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,083
Banging out jokes
With the jester?

276
00:11:03,083 --> 00:11:06,586
I suspect they're banging out
A few things, yes, sir.

277
00:11:06,586 --> 00:11:09,049
Wonderful.

278
00:11:09,049 --> 00:11:11,671
Ooh, my chef!
Talk to me, kiddo.

279
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,885
Uh, uh, oh, well,
My -- my research shows

280
00:11:14,885 --> 00:11:18,098
That the valencians have
Religious aversions to meat,

281
00:11:18,098 --> 00:11:21,061
And they live almost entirely
Off their own crops.

282
00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:22,682
How resourceful.

283
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,224
It was, my king.

284
00:11:24,224 --> 00:11:26,977
Unfortunately, you burned all
Their crops during the invasion.

285
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:29,399
Yeah?
 You set their fields ablaze

286
00:11:29,399 --> 00:11:31,812
And -- and announced
To all the lands, uh...

287
00:11:31,812 --> 00:11:34,985
"Ooh, yeah.
Take that, valencia."

288
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:37,778
You kept only a small portion
Of vegetables for yourself.

289
00:11:37,778 --> 00:11:39,159
[ chuckling ]
Oh, of course --

290
00:11:39,159 --> 00:11:41,031
The carrot getting stuck
In the teeth.

291
00:11:41,031 --> 00:11:43,413
That's why I needed
To have the toothpicks made.

292
00:11:43,413 --> 00:11:45,415
Tell you what. Let's table this
For the time being.

293
00:11:45,415 --> 00:11:46,827
We'll work
Something else out.

294
00:11:46,827 --> 00:11:50,040
So, gareth, have you found me
Any musicians?

295
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,423
Well, unfortunately,
We executed all their musicians,

296
00:11:53,423 --> 00:11:55,886
But I've improvised.

297
00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:57,217
These are
Our executioners,

298
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,429
And this geezer
Is really good on the drums.

299
00:11:59,429 --> 00:12:03,053
Oh, wonderful. What songs
Do you know how to play?

300
00:12:03,053 --> 00:12:05,055
[ clears throat ]

301
00:12:05,055 --> 00:12:07,187
[ execution prelude plays ]

302
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,061
Hmm?

303
00:12:11,061 --> 00:12:12,853
It is catchy.
I'll give you that.

304
00:12:12,853 --> 00:12:15,445
It's not quite right, though.
What else do you know?

305
00:12:15,445 --> 00:12:18,738
Uh, we -- we mainly
Just know death, my king.

306
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,072
Chef, I've killed...
Most of your family, right?

307
00:12:22,072 --> 00:12:23,743
Wiped them out all out,
My king.

308
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:27,207
Excellent. Tell me, what does a
Person do just before they die?

309
00:12:27,207 --> 00:12:29,129
Well, my father cried.

310
00:12:29,129 --> 00:12:30,670
A lot of them do weep,
Actually.

311
00:12:30,670 --> 00:12:32,132
And they wet theirselves.
 Oh.

312
00:12:32,132 --> 00:12:33,543
Also true.
 Yeah. Yeah.

313
00:12:33,543 --> 00:12:35,135
Well, this already sounds
Like a song.

314
00:12:35,135 --> 00:12:36,927
It just needs
The dancing part.
 Mm.

315
00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:38,969
I want a solid beat,
But keep it peppy.

316
00:12:38,969 --> 00:12:42,552
Ah. How about this?

317
00:12:42,552 --> 00:12:46,146
A-one, two,
A-one, two, three, four.

318
00:12:46,146 --> 00:12:48,148
[ execution prelude plays ]

319
00:12:53,103 --> 00:12:55,105
Big finish.

320
00:12:56,696 --> 00:13:00,160
You know what?
That is really close.

321
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,702
But let's just keep
Workshopping it, okay?

322
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,165
You'll be great.

323
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:11,461
Well, another party

324
00:13:11,461 --> 00:13:14,294
For the fancy folk
That get to bathe once a month.

325
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,216
[ sighs ]
Oh, that reminds me.

326
00:13:16,216 --> 00:13:19,049
Did you hear about the knight
That got off his high horse?

327
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,051
No.
 Me, neither.

328
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,552
[ laughs ]

329
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,184
[ laughter ]

330
00:13:29,639 --> 00:13:31,982
[ chuckling ]

331
00:13:31,982 --> 00:13:33,984
Knights suck.

332
00:13:33,984 --> 00:13:35,355
They're not all that bad,
Are they?

333
00:13:35,355 --> 00:13:36,566
[ chuckles ]

334
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,068
Sure, they are!
 Worse, even!

335
00:13:39,199 --> 00:13:42,572
♪ your average knight in armor,
He's utterly the pits ♪

336
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:46,156
♪ his ego's so humongous
That his helmet barely fits ♪

337
00:13:46,156 --> 00:13:49,910
♪ he wears two tons of padding
And thinks he's quite the man ♪

338
00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:53,413
♪ he's nothing but a jackass
In a fancy metal can ♪

339
00:13:53,413 --> 00:13:55,215
All:
♪ a jackass in a can ♪

340
00:13:55,215 --> 00:13:57,047
♪ there's nothing worser than ♪

341
00:13:57,047 --> 00:14:00,090
♪ some high-and-mighty jackass
In a can ♪

342
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,171
[ all spit ]

343
00:14:01,171 --> 00:14:04,014
My master hasn't had
A sip of his grog

344
00:14:04,014 --> 00:14:05,425
Without my spit in it
In years.

345
00:14:05,425 --> 00:14:07,017
I've got him
Craving it now.

346
00:14:07,017 --> 00:14:08,228
I gave it to him
Once without,

347
00:14:08,228 --> 00:14:09,599
And he said
It didn't taste right.

348
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:10,600
[ laughs ]

349
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,642
[ laughter ]

350
00:14:12,642 --> 00:14:15,065
So...
What about your knight?

351
00:14:15,065 --> 00:14:16,066
As bad as ours?

352
00:14:16,066 --> 00:14:19,189
Oh, uh...
Yeah, sure.

353
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,692
There's all that
Fame and glory?

354
00:14:22,692 --> 00:14:24,074
The smell, though,
Not so great.

355
00:14:24,074 --> 00:14:26,196
And then,
Those big, long lances.

356
00:14:26,196 --> 00:14:27,988
Yeah,
To overcompensate.

357
00:14:27,988 --> 00:14:29,829
The glamour
And the swagger?

358
00:14:29,829 --> 00:14:31,661
Yeah,
I'm really not a fan.

359
00:14:31,661 --> 00:14:33,914
He's quite a --
 Major dillweed.

360
00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,415
♪ in a fancy metal can ♪

361
00:14:35,415 --> 00:14:37,207
All:
♪ a dillweed in a can ♪

362
00:14:37,207 --> 00:14:38,999
♪ there's nothing lamer than ♪

363
00:14:38,999 --> 00:14:42,422
♪ a condescending dillweed
In a can ♪

364
00:14:42,422 --> 00:14:44,094
And who does
All the planning?

365
00:14:44,094 --> 00:14:46,386
Yeah.
Who does all the work?
 True.

366
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,138
♪ who gets no vacation? ♪

367
00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:50,010
♪ not one pay raise,
Not one perk ♪
 Good point.

368
00:14:50,010 --> 00:14:53,313
Whose lousy insurance
Comes without a dental plan?

369
00:14:53,313 --> 00:14:55,185
♪ your average,
Humble squire? ♪

370
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:57,017
All:
Not the meathead in the can!

371
00:14:57,017 --> 00:14:59,019
♪ that jerkface in a can ♪

372
00:14:59,019 --> 00:15:01,111
♪ there's nothing sadder than ♪

373
00:15:01,111 --> 00:15:03,023
♪ some over-muscled,
Chauvinistic ♪

374
00:15:03,023 --> 00:15:04,864
♪ self-indulgent, egotistic ♪

375
00:15:04,864 --> 00:15:06,486
♪ stingy, prissy, narcississy ♪

376
00:15:06,486 --> 00:15:11,081
All:
♪ jackass in a can ♪

377
00:15:11,081 --> 00:15:14,124
Oh, my god.
That's me.

378
00:15:14,124 --> 00:15:16,206
[ all spit ]

379
00:15:19,749 --> 00:15:22,212
Really hoping
For better turnout.

380
00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:24,924
This is everyone
We have left.

381
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:28,218
100% turnout!
Fantastic!

382
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:30,010
[ both giggling ]

383
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:31,101
Oh, good, you're here.

384
00:15:31,101 --> 00:15:34,314
Babe, you can believe
What I've thrown together?

385
00:15:34,314 --> 00:15:36,686
You're really feeling
King richard the magnanimous

386
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:39,059
Right now, aren't you,
Huh? Hmm?

387
00:15:39,059 --> 00:15:41,271
Okay, I know you two
Have been working really hard.

388
00:15:41,271 --> 00:15:42,482
Jester,
They are primed and ready,

389
00:15:42,482 --> 00:15:44,324
So get your jingly bells
Up on that stage.

390
00:15:44,324 --> 00:15:46,116
Come on, darling.
Let's go.

391
00:15:46,116 --> 00:15:47,697
Oh, thanks for putting in
The work, darling.

392
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:50,950
You know, this is nice,
Us co-hosting like this.

393
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,493
We need to find more activities
We can do together.

394
00:15:53,493 --> 00:15:55,035
Am I right?

395
00:15:55,035 --> 00:15:57,077
Jester: hello, valencia!
Here's one for you.

396
00:15:57,077 --> 00:16:00,080
Why did the chicken
Cross the road?

397
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,211
King richard: why?

398
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,343
Don't ask me.
Ask the chicken!

399
00:16:03,343 --> 00:16:04,884
[ laughs ]

400
00:16:04,884 --> 00:16:06,046
Ah, well,
That's the end of my set,

401
00:16:06,046 --> 00:16:09,429
So thank you all,
And good night!

402
00:16:09,429 --> 00:16:11,141
[ bells jingling ]
 What the hell, man?

403
00:16:11,141 --> 00:16:13,683
We thought we should leave them
Wanting more.

404
00:16:13,683 --> 00:16:16,476
Oh.
I guess I buy that.

405
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:20,020
Valencians, who's hungry?

406
00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:21,311
Me.
 Me.
 Me.

407
00:16:21,311 --> 00:16:23,103
Oh, of course you are,
My darlings.

408
00:16:23,103 --> 00:16:25,195
Now, as you know,
I've burnt all your crops,

409
00:16:25,195 --> 00:16:27,197
[ all groan ]
 But what you don't know
Is that

410
00:16:27,197 --> 00:16:29,199
I saved a healthy portion
For me.

411
00:16:29,199 --> 00:16:31,531
But if you can't have
Vegetables,

412
00:16:31,531 --> 00:16:33,743
Then neither shall I.

413
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:37,577
[ all gasp, scream ]

414
00:16:37,577 --> 00:16:41,171
Oh, I see it now.
That was a horrible idea.

415
00:16:41,171 --> 00:16:45,255
And now, for your listening
Pleasure, the executioners!

416
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:47,887
[ blade scraping rhythmically ]

417
00:16:47,887 --> 00:16:50,050
[ "Dance until you die" plays ]

418
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:53,093
♪ it's time to face the reaper ♪

419
00:16:53,093 --> 00:16:55,845
♪ you're on your way to hell ♪

420
00:16:55,845 --> 00:17:00,940
♪ prepare to kiss
This mortal coil goodbye ♪

421
00:17:00,940 --> 00:17:02,102
[ tempo quickens ]

422
00:17:02,102 --> 00:17:03,603
♪ but while you have
The chance ♪

423
00:17:03,603 --> 00:17:05,275
♪ you might as well just dance ♪

424
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:07,697
♪ dance, dance,
Dance until you die ♪

425
00:17:07,697 --> 00:17:09,409
Everybody, boogie!

426
00:17:09,409 --> 00:17:11,030
♪ your eyes
Will soon be bulging ♪

427
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,452
♪ you'll beg and scream,
As well ♪

428
00:17:12,452 --> 00:17:15,075
♪ you'll break down
Like a baby girl and cry ♪

429
00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:18,037
[ laughter,
Indistinct conversations ]

430
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,331
[ mugs clink ]

431
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,214
Congratulations, sid.

432
00:17:24,214 --> 00:17:25,335
Thank you!

433
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:28,758
We are so proud of you,
Sidney.

434
00:17:28,758 --> 00:17:30,090
[ chuckles ]

435
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:34,094
Every father dreams of his son
Being greater than he is,

436
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:35,845
But no father
Dreams this big.

437
00:17:35,845 --> 00:17:37,807
[ chuckles ]
Oh, thanks, dad.

438
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,230
Just want to make you proud.
[ chuckles ]

439
00:17:40,230 --> 00:17:41,731
Gloria...
 Oh!

440
00:17:41,731 --> 00:17:43,183
...If I didn't know
Any better,

441
00:17:43,183 --> 00:17:45,185
I would think
That you were the princess.

442
00:17:45,185 --> 00:17:46,606
[ gasps ]

443
00:17:46,606 --> 00:17:49,149
Sid, she's a keeper!

444
00:17:49,149 --> 00:17:50,740
Mwah!
 [ chuckles ]

445
00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:53,153
We're so excited about
Our wedding, aren't we, sid?

446
00:17:53,153 --> 00:17:55,325
Yay!
 There's much to plan.

447
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:58,118
You're going to look so handsome
In your armor.

448
00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,119
[ chuckles ]

449
00:18:01,201 --> 00:18:03,833
♪ do the strangulation ♪

450
00:18:04,704 --> 00:18:07,006
♪ do the asphyxiation ♪

451
00:18:07,006 --> 00:18:09,339
♪ do the burn at the stake ♪

452
00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:13,843
♪ while you
Shimmy-shimmy-shake ♪

453
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,215
Executioners:
♪ dance, dance ♪

454
00:18:15,215 --> 00:18:16,176
♪ dance, dance ♪

455
00:18:16,176 --> 00:18:19,809
♪ dance, dance, dance
Until you die ♪

456
00:18:19,809 --> 00:18:22,061
[ music fades down ]
 ♪ dance, dance ♪

457
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,824
[ music fades up ]
 ♪ dance, dance ♪

458
00:18:34,824 --> 00:18:36,035
♪ dance, dance, dance
Until -- ♪

459
00:18:36,035 --> 00:18:38,117
Stop!
 [ music stops ]

460
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:41,040
You guys aren't having any fun,
Are you?

461
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,622
[ sadly ]
Time of my life.

462
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,043
I'm so hungry!

463
00:18:44,043 --> 00:18:45,205
Come on.

464
00:18:45,205 --> 00:18:47,126
Pick any adjective
To describe this ball.

465
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,169
It's all right!

466
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:51,211
Safe throne room.

467
00:18:51,211 --> 00:18:53,553
Ill-conceived.
 Okay.

468
00:18:53,553 --> 00:18:55,385
A little short-sighted.

469
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,016
See, that's what
I'm talking about!

470
00:18:57,016 --> 00:19:00,260
Come on! Do some more!
Wait. Do me. Come on.

471
00:19:00,260 --> 00:19:02,392
Tell me what you think of me.
Roast away.

472
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:03,353
Pompous.

473
00:19:03,353 --> 00:19:05,605
It's true! I am!
Always have been!

474
00:19:05,605 --> 00:19:07,026
Ridiculous!
 [ laughter ]

475
00:19:07,026 --> 00:19:09,108
Well, finally,
Somebody said it.

476
00:19:09,108 --> 00:19:11,070
Stupidest king
In all the land!

477
00:19:11,070 --> 00:19:13,573
[ laughter ]
 How dare you?

478
00:19:13,573 --> 00:19:16,236
He's wearing tights!

479
00:19:16,236 --> 00:19:18,198
[ high-pitched voice ]
Oh, yes, I'm wearing tights!
I'm so dainty!

480
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,579
[ laughter ]

481
00:19:19,579 --> 00:19:21,371
He'd have to be blind
Not to know

482
00:19:21,371 --> 00:19:23,703
That his wife's getting it on
With the jester!

483
00:19:23,703 --> 00:19:26,916
[ laughs ]
 [ laughter stops ]

484
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,252
Am I right?!

485
00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:37,136
Party's over.

486
00:19:37,136 --> 00:19:38,508
And, gareth, kill the eunuch.

487
00:19:38,508 --> 00:19:40,510
[ execution prelude plays ]

488
00:19:42,892 --> 00:19:44,644
[ indistinct conversations ]

489
00:19:44,644 --> 00:19:47,016
A word, my...Liege.

490
00:19:47,016 --> 00:19:49,859
Mm-hmm. Excuse me.

491
00:19:49,859 --> 00:19:52,362
Squires.

492
00:19:52,362 --> 00:19:55,815
[ sighs ] You have no idea
How mortified I am, sir.

493
00:19:55,815 --> 00:19:56,866
I promise that tomorrow,
I'm --

494
00:19:56,866 --> 00:19:58,868
Do you know why
I hired you, sid?

495
00:19:58,868 --> 00:20:00,280
I assumed
You'd lost a bet.

496
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,282
[ chuckles, sighs ]

497
00:20:02,282 --> 00:20:04,163
Everyone else
Filled their résumés

498
00:20:04,163 --> 00:20:06,165
With skills
That would impress me --

499
00:20:06,165 --> 00:20:09,589
Horse-shoeing
Or sword-sharpening.

500
00:20:09,589 --> 00:20:12,171
But you were yourself.
You told me who you were --

501
00:20:12,171 --> 00:20:14,093
A late sleeper
And a lover of dolls.

502
00:20:14,093 --> 00:20:18,217
Figurines.
 Detailed figurines.

503
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,049
Right, so,
Fancy dolls.

504
00:20:20,049 --> 00:20:21,801
But anyway,
The point is,

505
00:20:21,801 --> 00:20:23,222
It's the hardest thing
In the world

506
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,804
To find someone
Who is true to themselves,

507
00:20:24,804 --> 00:20:27,146
And it's the thing
I love most about you.

508
00:20:27,146 --> 00:20:29,058
Did you just say you --
 Don't ruin this.

509
00:20:29,058 --> 00:20:32,111
It occurs to me
That being a squire

510
00:20:32,111 --> 00:20:33,983
Isn't a great job
To begin with.

511
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:37,026
And being mine
Is probably worse.

512
00:20:37,026 --> 00:20:38,618
[ chuckles ]
 But you never complained.

513
00:20:38,618 --> 00:20:39,909
[ chuckles ]
Not once.

514
00:20:39,909 --> 00:20:42,622
You never abandoned me,
Never spit in my ale.

515
00:20:44,123 --> 00:20:46,416
Right? You've never done that.
 Of course not, sir.

516
00:20:46,416 --> 00:20:51,250
Look, I'll play any part you
Want me to play here.

517
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,673
But you should be proud
Of the man you are.

518
00:20:53,673 --> 00:20:55,254
I know I certainly am.

519
00:20:58,798 --> 00:21:02,051
[ sighs ]

520
00:21:02,051 --> 00:21:03,723
What was that?

521
00:21:03,723 --> 00:21:08,308
That, my lady, was a knight
Getting off his high horse.

522
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,852
Mom, dad, there's something
I need to tell you.

523
00:21:12,852 --> 00:21:15,815
Well, I'll be damned.

524
00:21:15,815 --> 00:21:16,986
I wouldn't drink that.

525
00:21:16,986 --> 00:21:19,108
Well, why not?
I've already drunk half of it.

526
00:21:19,108 --> 00:21:22,201
Yeah, just carry on.
It's fine.